Sachel was the consummate con-man of con-men. He was always thinking of a way to cheat, deceive, trick and swindle. One week before Christmas and he needed $50. His mail normally arrived at 11:30 AM and today his regular bills and junk mail arrived at noon. He opened a letter that said,
YOU ARE THE WINNER OF 11 MILLION DOLLARS, just fill in your name and return by January 1st, 2000. Your winning number is 455351267.
It had a pre-addressed stamped envelope to somewhere in Coral Gables, Florida. Sachel recognized that place as the fraud capitol of the USA and thought, “Another bogus contest; what magazines will they send if I respond to this.” He was about to steam off the stamp (33 cents) when he had a brainstorm. That old lady across the street bought some girl scout cookies from him last year and didn’t complain when they never arrived because she forgot she bought them, yea Alzheimer disease was a blessing to Sachel.
So he took the winning letter with him when he visited the widow Pitton. She was always happy to have a visitor and welcomed Sachel with open arms. She offered him a cup of tea which he refused but asked if she had any beer. She said she didn’t but she had some soda in the fridge. Sachel said “I’ll have a coke, hey don’t bother getting it, I’ll get it for myself.” He went into the kitchen and quickly jammed the twenty four dollars he found on the counter into his pocket and threw away the attached note written by Elsie, Mrs. Pitton’s visiting nurse, reminding Mrs. Pitton to get her heart medicine prescription.
Sachel took the Pepsi into the living room and sat down on the neat but well-worn couch. Mrs. Pitton who was sitting on her burlap upholstered easy chair looked at Sachel and asked “So, young man what’s on your mind?” She had forgotten his name but she remembered his face. “Mrs. P, you know I’ve always liked you, you are the angel of the block.” Mrs. Pitton blushed. “You know I have just learned that I have cancer. The doctor said I need five hundred dollars to get a skin tumor burned off my posterior. Do you want to see?” Sachel, pretended he was going to pull down his pants. Mrs. Pitton, said “Heavens no, but I am so sorry about your tumor.”
Sachel said, “The doctor thinks I have a lot more cancer inside and told me I could die at any time. But for right now he can ease my pain by taking off this horrible butt tumor. You know I have a wonderful secret. I can’t tell anyone but you. You have always been so nice that I have decided to tell you. I have won 11 million dollars. Look at this letter.”
Sachel showed Mrs. Pitton the letter and said, “Since I’m dying I won’t be able to enjoy this money. I was very troubled about wasting this money so, I’ve decided to give it to you.”
Mrs. Pitton was touched by Sachel’s marvelous acting job and said, “11 million dollars, I can’t even imagine that much money. I’ve been around for 89 years and I’ve outlived all my friends and I don’t even need a thousand dollars. My house is paid for, I get $388 a month which pays for my food and utilities and Elsie gives me my medicine money.” Sachel didn’t anticipate that Mrs. Pitton would not be greedy and therefore would not fall into his trap. So, he re-thought his approach.
“Mrs. P what about that children’s hospital that you are always visiting, don’t you think 11 million dollars would help them out, you could give it to them.” That struck pay dirt. Mrs. Pitton’s countenance changed. “Yes, they could use help. What can I do?” Sachel looked down with feigned sorrow and said, “I need help with this operation, do you have $500?”
Mrs. Pitton walked to her bedroom and returned with a old brown envelope. While she was out of the room Sachel stuffed his pockets with little crystal figurines that were on the lower shelf of a knick-knack table.
Mrs. Pitton walked up to Sachel and opened the envelope. There were four fifty dollar bills and four twenties, two hundred and eighty dollars total. Sachel grabbed all the money and said, “Thanks, Mrs. P.!” Mrs. Pitton asked if she could have twenty dollars, “Just in case for Christmas.” Sachel said, “Sure Mrs. P,” putting twenty dollars back into the envelope.
Sachel then gave Mrs. Pitton the winning documents and even wrote in Mrs. Pitton’s name and address on the registration card. He then put the card in the envelope, sealed it and said, “I’ll drop it in the mailbox for you Mrs. P.” Right before he left Elsie arrived and came in the front door. She and Mrs. Pitton went into the kitchen and Sachel removed the last twenty dollar bill from the old brown envelope, threw the sweepstakes envelope on the floor and left.
Elsie asked Mrs. Pitton where she put the heart medication money and Mrs. Pitton couldn’t remember. Elsie came into the living room to ask Sachel if he knew anything about the money but he was gone. She noticed the sweepstakes envelope on the floor, picked it up and put it in her purse.
January 30, 2000 - Super Bowl Sunday. Sachel woke up at 3:30PM. He was in a particularly bad mood since he was broke. He had three dollars, just enough to buy a couple of beers to watch the super bowl. He got on his shoes and started for the store. There was a major commotion over at Mrs. Pitton’s home, vans, trucks and a crowd. The old lady must have died. Too bad!! She was an easy mark. He laughed as he walked across the street, thinking about the 11 million dollar hoax. Heck he cleaned her out with the cancer, butt tumor story.
As he approached the crowd he saw Elsie near the side walk and asked her, “So, did the old lady croak?” Elsie was exhilarated, excited and animated, and even Sachel thought this was inappropriate for such an assumed somber event. But Elsie spoke up and said, “Dead, are you kidding!? This is the first time in her whole life she has been alive!” “What do you mean?” queried Sachel. Elsie responded, “Mrs. Pitton has won 11 million dollars from Syndicated Clearing House from Coral Gables, Florida. She had the winning number 455351267.”
Comeuppance
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