Wednesday, January 13, 2010

He Killed the Judge

Judge Bellings was 90 on August 30th and his little party was organized by his old friend and accountant Matt Nilty. Matt was also his power of attorney and paid the bills and generally looked after the pillar of the community. Marion Bellings, the Judge's wife for 56 years had died before the Judge's stroke two years ago, so she didn't have to see the devastation of the Judge's complete paralysis. The Judge laid in his hospital bed in his home and was only able to communicate by blinking his eyes.

Charles and Rudy Mengerson were the Judge's only living relatives, they were the sons of his daughter, Margaret Mengerson who had committed suicide after a life of alcohol and drug addiction.

Charles was known as Chuck and he had been in and out of jail most of his adult life, mostly for petty theft, fraud, and other misdeeds of deception and deceit. Rudy, the younger grandson, was opposite. He was considered to be "slow" and "dimmed witted" by his older brother.

The boys took turns taking care of their grandfather during the nights. Matt had the days covered by hiring two licensed vocational nurses to watch after the Judge. These nurses worked 7 days a week , 8 hours a day, so 16 hours of each day the Judge had good care. The "graveyard shift" as Chuck called it was from 12:00 midnight until 8:00 AM and the boys were expected to be there just in case the Judge needed something.

Chuck needed money. He told Matt he needed to be paid, like the nurses, for watching his grandfather. Matt had asked the Judge about this and he agreed that Chuck get $500 a week. Rudy who worked as a sanitation engineer (garbage man) refused his $500 a week, and told Matt that he, Rudy, felt like he owed his grandpa rent for letting him sleep in his home.

Matt could detect a weak smile from the Judge when Rudy came in the room and didn't see any smile when loud, vulgar Chuck entered.

Chuck relished slapping Rudy on the back of his head and calling him names especially in front of the Judge whose only reaction was the shedding of tears from his motionless face.

The Judge was getting more feeble and Chuck sensed that the "old Man" was going, "He's dead, look at him, he only blinks at us." Rudy, on the other hand, had long slow beautiful conversations with grandfather and would tell Chuck to be quiet only to be slapped around by his 270 pound brother.

Six days after the Judge's 90th birthday, Elton Gaddis, the Judge's lawyer, was seen leaving the house when Chuck arrived 6 hours early for his shift. "Hey, what are you doing here?" was Chuck's only remark to Elton. Elton said nothing and got in his car and left. Chuck was especially vicious to his grandfather that night banging on his grandmother's piano, keeping the television on and denying the old man any rest. "So, you're writing me out of your will, you old piece of rotting flesh, we'll see about that." That was overheard by Rudy who slept, or tried to sleep that night in the back bedroom.

Elton Gaddis brought two witnesses with him when the new will was executed. Chuck, Rudy and Matt were also there. Chuck was screaming that the "old man" was not competent and called the police alleging that his grandfather was being assaulted. Before the police arrived, Elton read the will out loud indicating that Chuck was to be the Judge's only devisee cutting off Rudy, unless Chuck predeceased him.

Chuck then admitted that his grandfather was clear thinking and was only physically disabled and that he had a right to change his will if that was what he wanted. The will was executed, Matt signed for the Judge as the law permitted, and Chuck went to jail for making a fictitious 911 call, he was out before dawn the next day.

Rudy sat with his grandfather that night and told him he loved him, and that his being cutout of the will was OK, that he trusted his grandfather knew what he wanted and that was what had to be.

Six AM: Chuck almost broke down the door screaming that he had to post a $500 bond for the stupid charges the police put on him. He told Rudy in front of his grandfather, "Boy things are going to change around here now."

Chuck told Rudy that he would take the 4 night a week shift "grandfather sitting" since Rudy had done this for over two years. Rudy protested but 270 pounds trumps 135 pounds. That is when the Judge's hell began in earnest.

Chuck's shift became a routine of torture for the Judge. No water, loud noise, Chuck's incessant chanting of what a worthless person the Judge was and that his daughter, Chuck's mother, had committed suicide because of the Judge. Many tears spilled down the Judge's cheeks. He was so feeble now he couldn't communicate, even by blinking. But, he wouldn't die and that infuriated Chuck.

Chuck insisted that Rudy go on a vacation, he hadn't had one in two years. Everything would be OK, he'd take Rudy's shift for two weeks. So, Rudy went camping in Arizona.

For four nights straight Chuck tormented his grandfather, screaming, cursing, placing a headset on the Judge and playing a CD full blast into the Judge's sensitive ears. He still didn't die.

Day five of Rudy's vacation: Chuck was miserable from his own loss of sleep so he decided to have a few drinks. He left his grandfather by himself, went to a local bar and got drunk. It was there that he conceived the plot to kill his grandfather and fabricate a story about a burglar murdering the old man. He got back home at 7:30 AM and went into his grandfather's room, cursed him and began choking him. He then pulled him out of his bed by his feet, his head hit the floor with a sickening thud. THERE, the old man wasn't breathing!! He was dead, at last he was dead!! Chuck had done his dastardly deed in less that a minute and his joy was apparent as he began singing and dancing with his grandfather laying at his feet. Unfortunately for Chuck, Alicia, the Tuesday vocational nurse, was there and saw everything, so the burglar story was shot down immediately.

The jury sentenced Chuck to 99 years in prison and the law disqualified him from any benefit of his grandfather's will since Chuck was deemed to be his grandfather's murderer. It was as though Chuck predeceased his grandfather, so Rudy inherited the six million dollars. Rudy married Alicia, who by the way, never told anyone, that the Judge had peacefully stopped breathing at 7:15 AM that morning a full 15 minutes before drunken Chuck came home and attacked his grandfather's corpse.
Comeuppance

Friday, January 8, 2010

The Real Winner is US

The major event in Angell County was the annual swim meet in which both county high schools competed for the coveted Perkins Trophy which went to the best swimmer in this competition. Polk High School normally won and this year was the favorite with Gabriel Torres, a/k/a (also known as) barracuda. Mitchell High School had Tim who was a strong swimmer but he had no nickname. Along with the trophy came bragging rights and $1,000.00 donated by the Widow Perkins to the winning school’s sports program. The winning coach also received recognition and an all expenses paid trip to Baja California.

Polk’s coach, Lenny Gantwell, had made the Baja Trip 11 times before and had already made his reservations for this year. After all nobody could beat The Barracuda.

Two days before the swim meet Mr. Epperson, the president of the school district announced that this year there would be three schools competing. Walden High School would be allowed to participate. Mr. Gantwell objected saying that Walden was a school for retards and this would break Angell County tradition. Mr. Epperson advised that Walden had had a “Special Olympics” and had selected Matthew Files to be their champion, and that Matthew would be allowed to compete. Matthew had been born with downs syndrome and could swim but he was far behind Tim and Gabriel in swimming ability, and his heart was as big as the Nations Park Pool. Everyone who knew Matthew loved him even though his measurable IQ was about 60 and his coordination was far below that of a typical 15 year old.

Mr. Gantwell objected again saying that Matthew’s entry in this annual event would “cheapen it”. He was overruled.

May 15th was here. It seemed that the entire town was at the Nations Park Pool. Mitchell and Polk had their bands alternating songs as the students cheered and sang. Walden had Jessica Phillips, Matthew’s teacher, read a poem that the class had composed for this event.

Gantwell who was very upset about the Walden entry had secretly enlisted Bary Jones, Polk’s “Most Popular”, to lead the students in a strategic attack on “the retard”. Jones was elated that he was recruited to this end.

10:00 AM, the Star Spangled Banner was played, Mrs. Leechman led the group in the Pledge of Allegiance and Reverend Leechman said an opening prayer. He prayed that the Lord would let the best man win the contest.

The contestants were at the north end of the pool doing stretching exercises and warming up, two of the contestants that is. Matthew was just standing there looking into the crowd smiling his sweet smile and waving to his class with his right hand. They were all cheering their loving hero. Gantwell was glaring.

“Swimmers get on your mark!!” screamed the starter. The three boys moved to their assigned positions. The crowd all stood. “Get set!!” A hush enveloped the crowd. “BANNNG!!” went the starter’s pistol. The Barracuda dove into the water like a glistening saber cutting the water like surgeon; Tim followed close behind. Matthew was confused and failed to dive in at the gun. The crowd screamed, "Dive in, Matthew, dive in!!” He got the message but was a quarter pool length behind already.

The Barracuda was two body lengths ahead of Tim, both were swimming with every bit of strength they could muster. On the return lap they passed Matthew as he reached the half way point of his first lap. It was evident that Matthew was putting his whole heart in the swim also, and his class was cheering his name over and over. His face beamed as he heard their cheers.

After Matthew’s first turn-around, Bary Jones began his job. He began cheering Matthew’s name and then changed the cheer to “Matthew - Retard, Matthew - Retard!!” He was soon joined by several of his henchmen and their chant stifled Matthew’s small class in their cheering.

Barracuda and Tim made the second turn, and glided with power towards Matthew who by now was struggling. His face was missing its normal smile as he made the second turn. Tim heard the chanting and slowed down as Barracuda flashed onward. The pernicious chants grew as a few others in the crowd thought it was funny. Matthew struggled further, it was obvious he was crying as he reached the third turn where he caught up to Tim.

Tim told Matthew, “You’re in second place Matthew, keep on going you’re a champion.” Bary Jones began a chant ridiculing Tim along with maintaining the hurtful verbal darts aimed at Matthew.

Gantwell was so excited about Barracuda’s lead that he forgot where he was and he began to SCREAM, “MATTHEW - RETARD, MATTHEW - RETARD!!” louder than anyone.

Fourth turn, last lap, Barracuda is far ahead. Barracuda heard his coach’s screams about Matthew. All of a sudden Barracuda began to slow down. His coach noticed immediately and began screaming at him to pick it up. Gabriel slowed more; his coach screamed profanity. Matthew was catching up, Tim was close behind. Barry Jones grabbed a pile of towels and threw them on Matthew who panicked. Tim swam up to the towels that covered Matthew and cleared them away.

Half a lap to the finish, Matthew caught up and passed Gabriel. At two feet from the finish Matthew stopped. He looked over his shoulder and saw Gabriel and Tim treading water closely behind him. He grabbed their hands and with his they all touched the finish together. The crowd went crazy cheering with great joy, having seen the greatest race of all.

Gantwell was screaming at Gabriel, that he lost the race, that he was a loser, that he was a worthless greaser.

The Widow Perkins interrupted Gantwell’s insane antics and advised him and the crowd that this year there were no losers just winners and announced that all three schools were the winners.

Mr. Epperson then stood up and announced that there was in fact a loser. Right on the spot he fired Gantwell and said the Baja Trip for Polk this year would be going to a new swimming coach, Mario Aguilar.

By the way, Bary Jones, was never “Most Popular” anywhere again and died at 18 of a heroin overdose. Comeuppance.

The New America

Chapter 1

March 2, 2018, trees began to grow on both sides of the ugly border fence built to keep illegal immigrants out of the southwestern United States and no official could explain why. It was amazing that the trees were all apple trees and grew in places where water was plentiful and where water was not suppose to exist. Nevertheless, trees grew and in September of each year apples began to mature in abundance.

March 2, 2028, the government of Mexico now had the world’s largest army, patrolling the border trying to keep the droves of gringos from climbing the trees at night jumping the border fence and evacuating southward into Mexico from a land that had become a place where decency was politically dangerous and moral degradation was the norm.

Excellence in schools and employment were dampened by official policy that sanctioned mediocrity and advocated equality in all things and punished anyone who studied or worked harder to increase their output through self improvement. That was looked upon as arrogance and only government officials could legally aspire to that virtue.

All acts of violence by any group, race or creed against any other was classified as “hate crimes” and sever sanctions both in civil and criminal law were legislated in 2010 to root out any discrimination.

There were two groups that could be victimized without punishment at all, and they were called the radical cerebralists and the producers. These were those who aspired to be self reliant and to be non-dependant on the government and this was an ideology that was viewed with disgust by a majority of the people who had become complacent about their own liberty for fear that they may have to think and produce for their own support.

In 2010 the United States armed forces had been disbanded and the defense budget went to almost zero. Domestic spending increased exponentially and everything was cheap and free, and, the masses became intoxicated with the euphoria of hedonism unchecked.

The government removed freedom from the producers by taxing 100% of their production and returning a small portion to them for their bare survival. The producers and the cerebralists were guarded by the domestic police who were the most corrupt and self indulgent citizens whose power was predicated only on their ability to be ruthless and harsh on any minority group that failed to give all they had to the government for “redistribution”.

The domestic police had received the unlimited supply of weapons and ammunition that had been abandoned by the now defunct military. And, there were only two minority groups, the producers and the cerebralists.

Chapter 2

The presidential election in 2012 was heated and the campaign rhetoric polarized the nation as it had never been before. Any assertion of patriotism was rebuked as an affront to world peace and gender and race were attacked on both sides from all perspectives. To an unbiased observer it was clear that all but a small number of government officials were pursuing their own lust for power over the good of the nation, and every issue was viewed with a partisan microscope with a hope to find fault to exploit the political opponent. The arrogant incumbents sought only to appease the masses and to not offend anyone who had a vote or potential vote. These incumbents also wanted perpetual power and the placated masses gave them this for “security” defined as freedom from accountability.

Those who pointed out the failure of prior civilizations who ventured down the path of pleasing all the people all of the time for the good of all were ridiculed and were not elected to political office.

So, the presidential election of 2012 was so close that no decision was made and internal war commenced and the vocal cerebralists were all assassinated for their words, free speech was not free anymore.

The elite producers continued to rob their corporations and migrated out of the country with large portions of their company’s assets when their businesses went bankrupt. The corrupt politicians allowed the pilfering of the domestic wealth for they too were recipients of largess created but not controlled by American brilliance and toil.

The government bailed out these defunct corporations with taxpayer money and the government therefore nationalized American wealth. Those in charge now were not only arrogant thieves, they were also grossly incompetent.

In 2013 the new president took control of the national government, his opponent had disappeared and was declared a person non-grata by the masses who decided his platform was against the corruption that might upset the desires and goals of complete equality in America.

And so, America completely disbanded its unnecessary military and gave pensions to anyone who may cause a disturbance, and used the wealth of America to organize the domestic police to ensure freedom and equality.

Chapter 3

The definition of freedom was changed in the new order. Freedom no longer meant freedom of speech, assembly and religion, it meant freedom from work, from criticism and from judgment. The bible was used, selectively, and the main governmental theme was “Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged”.

Of course, those in power did not have to heed the new theme, they could use it against others but if anyone complained they were prosecuted for JUDGING and quickly eliminated from the new society.

Foreign governments pro and con to America were all initially astonished at this new American approach to government and many who had set the American system as a pattern for their political growth were now confused.

Hadn’t the old American system created the greatest power in world history? Hadn’t freedom as originally defined created the greatest domestic happiness of any people on earth? Hadn’t this old system with its many flaws been the best political system to correct political error and grant all inhabitants, citizens and otherwise power in the system to assert correct principles?

Yes, but even as power by the few corrupts, power of appeasement of the masses for their imagined “own good” corrupts all elements of government, for the definitions of RIGHT and WRONG are immutable.

So, fear of America by hostile foreign powers waned and military equipment that was not stockpiled by the domestic police was sold to foreign governments to raise the capitol to feed the domestic lethargy machine. And, the righteous nations of the world groaned at the loss of the only power the world had to confront despots and protect world freedom or at least assert the values of the old freedom.

Chapter 4

March 2, 2018, schools had evolved to grant the greatest equality in the world. There was only one grade you could get on a test, a “C” which meant you were average. There was no greater thing than to be “average”, and if you were less than average your teacher would have to find a way to get you to average. If you were better than average you were reprimanded and your perceived arrogance was published on the “shame sheets” that were posted in the halls of the schools and the domestic police were informed about your ambition.

Teachers who gave any grade other that a “C” were fired and sometimes exiled to unknown places. So, teachers didn’t teach and students didn’t learn and schools became dens of iniquity and depravity sanctioned by the government to please the masses, “for their own good”.

There had been no more national elections since 2012 since elections were political JUDGING and the incumbents were the self proclaimed “best of the best” and were rulers in perpetuity with little protest by the euphoric, decadent masses that lived off the accumulated wealth of America and off the sweat of the cerebralists and producers who were the only people who were not equal by law.

The treasury was kept up by these societal aberrations and by the government selling itself to foreign investors.

Morality as defined in America’s early days was a badge of inequality, and anyone who asserted morality, honesty, integrity and marriage was hastily exiled to that unknown place where the aberrant teachers went.

“Doing your own thing” was now the law for personal interaction in American society.

If you wanted to be a doctor you could take the doctor test, and you would get a “C” which qualified you to be a doctor. And, the same was true of all the former “learned professions”. You could not become a judge, a legislator or any policy maker or enforcer unless you were granted those positions by an incumbent, and the incumbents had their list of those worthy to exercise power for the “good of the people”.

So, the health care dilemma was now solved. Nobody had competent health care but the incumbents. And, all the original health care providers were sequestered to secret places for the use only by those with power. The new doctors were doctors in name only and nobody trusted them, for they were “average”. Any new doctor who exhibited competence was quickly removed to the secret places for the benefit of those most worthy of health benefits, to wit, the incumbents. COMMUPPANCE.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

You've Won 11 Million Dollars

Sachel was the consummate con-man of con-men. He was always thinking of a way to cheat, deceive, trick and swindle. One week before Christmas and he needed $50. His mail normally arrived at 11:30 AM and today his regular bills and junk mail arrived at noon. He opened a letter that said,

YOU ARE THE WINNER OF 11 MILLION DOLLARS, just fill in your name and return by January 1st, 2000. Your winning number is 455351267.

It had a pre-addressed stamped envelope to somewhere in Coral Gables, Florida. Sachel recognized that place as the fraud capitol of the USA and thought, “Another bogus contest; what magazines will they send if I respond to this.” He was about to steam off the stamp (33 cents) when he had a brainstorm. That old lady across the street bought some girl scout cookies from him last year and didn’t complain when they never arrived because she forgot she bought them, yea Alzheimer disease was a blessing to Sachel.

So he took the winning letter with him when he visited the widow Pitton. She was always happy to have a visitor and welcomed Sachel with open arms. She offered him a cup of tea which he refused but asked if she had any beer. She said she didn’t but she had some soda in the fridge. Sachel said “I’ll have a coke, hey don’t bother getting it, I’ll get it for myself.” He went into the kitchen and quickly jammed the twenty four dollars he found on the counter into his pocket and threw away the attached note written by Elsie, Mrs. Pitton’s visiting nurse, reminding Mrs. Pitton to get her heart medicine prescription.

Sachel took the Pepsi into the living room and sat down on the neat but well-worn couch. Mrs. Pitton who was sitting on her burlap upholstered easy chair looked at Sachel and asked “So, young man what’s on your mind?” She had forgotten his name but she remembered his face. “Mrs. P, you know I’ve always liked you, you are the angel of the block.” Mrs. Pitton blushed. “You know I have just learned that I have cancer. The doctor said I need five hundred dollars to get a skin tumor burned off my posterior. Do you want to see?” Sachel, pretended he was going to pull down his pants. Mrs. Pitton, said “Heavens no, but I am so sorry about your tumor.”

Sachel said, “The doctor thinks I have a lot more cancer inside and told me I could die at any time. But for right now he can ease my pain by taking off this horrible butt tumor. You know I have a wonderful secret. I can’t tell anyone but you. You have always been so nice that I have decided to tell you. I have won 11 million dollars. Look at this letter.”

Sachel showed Mrs. Pitton the letter and said, “Since I’m dying I won’t be able to enjoy this money. I was very troubled about wasting this money so, I’ve decided to give it to you.”

Mrs. Pitton was touched by Sachel’s marvelous acting job and said, “11 million dollars, I can’t even imagine that much money. I’ve been around for 89 years and I’ve outlived all my friends and I don’t even need a thousand dollars. My house is paid for, I get $388 a month which pays for my food and utilities and Elsie gives me my medicine money.” Sachel didn’t anticipate that Mrs. Pitton would not be greedy and therefore would not fall into his trap. So, he re-thought his approach.

“Mrs. P what about that children’s hospital that you are always visiting, don’t you think 11 million dollars would help them out, you could give it to them.” That struck pay dirt. Mrs. Pitton’s countenance changed. “Yes, they could use help. What can I do?” Sachel looked down with feigned sorrow and said, “I need help with this operation, do you have $500?”

Mrs. Pitton walked to her bedroom and returned with a old brown envelope. While she was out of the room Sachel stuffed his pockets with little crystal figurines that were on the lower shelf of a knick-knack table.

Mrs. Pitton walked up to Sachel and opened the envelope. There were four fifty dollar bills and four twenties, two hundred and eighty dollars total. Sachel grabbed all the money and said, “Thanks, Mrs. P.!” Mrs. Pitton asked if she could have twenty dollars, “Just in case for Christmas.” Sachel said, “Sure Mrs. P,” putting twenty dollars back into the envelope.

Sachel then gave Mrs. Pitton the winning documents and even wrote in Mrs. Pitton’s name and address on the registration card. He then put the card in the envelope, sealed it and said, “I’ll drop it in the mailbox for you Mrs. P.” Right before he left Elsie arrived and came in the front door. She and Mrs. Pitton went into the kitchen and Sachel removed the last twenty dollar bill from the old brown envelope, threw the sweepstakes envelope on the floor and left.

Elsie asked Mrs. Pitton where she put the heart medication money and Mrs. Pitton couldn’t remember. Elsie came into the living room to ask Sachel if he knew anything about the money but he was gone. She noticed the sweepstakes envelope on the floor, picked it up and put it in her purse.

January 30, 2000 - Super Bowl Sunday. Sachel woke up at 3:30PM. He was in a particularly bad mood since he was broke. He had three dollars, just enough to buy a couple of beers to watch the super bowl. He got on his shoes and started for the store. There was a major commotion over at Mrs. Pitton’s home, vans, trucks and a crowd. The old lady must have died. Too bad!! She was an easy mark. He laughed as he walked across the street, thinking about the 11 million dollar hoax. Heck he cleaned her out with the cancer, butt tumor story.

As he approached the crowd he saw Elsie near the side walk and asked her, “So, did the old lady croak?” Elsie was exhilarated, excited and animated, and even Sachel thought this was inappropriate for such an assumed somber event. But Elsie spoke up and said, “Dead, are you kidding!? This is the first time in her whole life she has been alive!” “What do you mean?” queried Sachel. Elsie responded, “Mrs. Pitton has won 11 million dollars from Syndicated Clearing House from Coral Gables, Florida. She had the winning number 455351267.”
Comeuppance

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Hateful, Sneaky Neighbor

The back yard neighbor, Mrs. Hatten, had three nasty mangey toy terriers that barked 23 out of each 24-hour day. She had never had children so these dogs were literally her babies and could do no wrong. The Jones family had 3 children and Father Jones had instructed them to not disturb Mrs. Hatten, after all she had already called the police 3 times for loud noise caused by the children playing in their own back yard. So the kids would play silently in compliance with their father’s instructions.

One day Mr. Jones brought home a schnauzer puppy. He was assured by the pet shop that this breed was, “Quiet” and didn’t bark much. The kids were delighted. They bathed the wiry-haired pup, dressed it and kept it inside most of the time. As it grew it was able to cope with the back yard and its abode moved there. When the pup was outside it would bark in response to the nasty Hatten triplets and Mrs. Hatten would scream for the puppy to shut up. After the fifth police visit, Mrs. Hatten was told by the policeman that he would arrest her if she called again, because the problem was her dogs, not the Jones puppy.

This infuriated Mrs. Hatten who told the officer, “If you can’t take care of this, I’ll handle it in my own way!”

The Jones’ puppy was trained to eat Purina dry dog food and was quite fond of it. The secret of canine longevity was practiced by the Jones who learned the secrets from Mrs. Jones’ veterinarian brother, Bob.

The nasty triplets had dug under the wall and had a secret passage way to the Jones’ backyard. They would come there in the late night and deposit their feces with impunity. The schnauzer puppy was no match for the terrier bullies and the Jones kids just kept cleaning up the dog poop without complaint.

One day while feeding her “babies” their regular raw hamburger, she heard the schnauzer puppy let out a bark. She didn’t hear her own demons howling. Then she remembered something she heard. If you put ground glass is raw hamburger, a dog will eat it and die a painful death. Yes, she would do it.

She went into her garage and broke a soda bottle in a sock. Then she gently hammered the bottle in the sock into a deadly gritty power. She took some hamburger and mixed in the glass shards and with murder in her heart she waited until midnight. Then she crept into her backyard and tossed the glassburger into the Jones’ backyard and ran back into her house.

The schnauzer puppy ran up to the tossed visitor and smelled it and kinda liked the smell but hesitated chomping into it. Then like a raid of Turkish assassins Mrs. Hatten’s unholy trio blitzed through their secret tunnel and pounced on the meat, fighting and tearing, each getting a fair share of the delicious, deadly prize.

The next day all three dogs were found dead in Mrs. Hatten’s backyard. She filed charges against the Jones family for poisoning her dogs but was herself arrested for making a false police report when science proved that Mrs. Hatten’s own glassburger had claimed their lives.
Comeuppance

Be Careful Who You Offend on the Way to Court

Bilek was furious that he had to go to municipal court today to contest his citation for reckless driving, after all, the stupid ones were all those other drivers who got in his way. Of course, Bilek left for court late so he had to speed it up to get there on time; no problem, Bilek was always in a hurry.

Two blocks from his office and he had already almost caused 3 accidents; well he had the right-of-way those stupid people better move it or lose it.

10 near misses later and 1 block from the courthouse, Bilek noticed a woman in black chevy making a left turn from the left turning lane. He would have to squeeze this stupid woman off and speed around her to get that parking space he spotted right across the street from the courthouse. He made it. It didn’t matter that it was a handicapped parking space, he had stolen a blue handicapped parking pass that he now put on his rear view mirror and jumped out of the car and raced to the courthouse door.

The stupid woman in the black chevy slammed on her brakes and honked at Bilek as he darted across the street mid-block nowhere near a cross walk. Bilek flipped her a bird, laughed and disappeared into the masses going to traffic court.

It was 4:10 PM, still no judge. What kind of crap was this, thought Bilek. Court is supposed to start at 4:00 PM. These government employees are leeches on the taxpaying public. At 4:12PM Bilek went up to the baliff and asked, “I guess the public trough is well filled, huh?” The baliff said, “Huh?” Bilek said. “Never mind, where’s the judge.?” The baliff said, “She’s late, she was almost killed in an accident on the way to court.”

Bilek said, “SHE!! You mean we have a skirt in this court. What’s justice coming to? "I don’t suppose you know if she’s having a bout of PMS today.” The baliff said, “Be careful sir, we require respect here!” Bilek sarcastically said, “Oh, excuse me marshall, I guess in this courtroom respect is more important than justice or promptness, huh!! There’s a hundred people in here, when’s my case going to be heard, you know I’m too busy for this crap?”

The baliff said, “Your turn will come sir, have a seat!” The baliff went into the judge's chambers adjacent to the courtroom, then came out and handcuffed Bilek. Bilek began screaming and kicking and was subdued by the baliff along with 2 other baliffs from other courts. They placed Bilek in what is called a hog-tie. His hands were cuffed behind him, his ankles were tied together with a nylon tie strip, then he was laid down on his stomach with his arms and legs drawn up behind him and secured together with another nylon tie. He was then dragged into the hall. After 10 minutes of fighting and struggling he was exhausted and was taken into a broom closet and left on his belly.

He could hear everything that was going on in court, the baliff said, “All rise, this court is now is session the Honorable Cathy Mills presiding.” The judge then proceeded to call the cases. Bilek began to scream after the 15th case. The judge ordered him gagged. So, here was Bilek, hogtied and gagged.

Two and a half hours later the judge called out Bilek’s name, his case was finally to be heard. It turned out that he was the last case. The baliff cut the nylon tie holding him in the hogtied position and cut the tie around his ankles. He stood up slowly, and the baliff ripped off the duct tape gag off his mouth.

The judge said, “Mr. Bilek, you stand charged with reckless driving, how do you plead, guilty or not guilty?” With terror in his eyes Bilek whispered “guilty” as he faced the judge who was the stupid woman in the black chevy.

Comeuppance